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Nords, Germs and Moi

I recently became heavily addicted to SATW web comics. Mainly because it is an adorable representation of Northern European foreign relations, and because they make funnies.

Finland and I have a lot in common, we only beat you with birch branches because Russia taught us how to sauna...

So this morning after finishing a piece of work that was due yesterday (oops on that). I sat down and tried to draw a derpy Finnish lion… I failed; it turned into a retarded, lascivious hyena. Oh well this is what happens when I draw nothing for 2 years. Aside from this the last week or so has been going along nicely, at the weekend I went to a Barbeque where there was so much Germanic heritage I started to feel like perhaps I was invited for my Judaic heritage to make the other guests feel ‘inclusive’.

Everi-bohdi vaz kank-fuh fihtink, zose kets vere fast az lihtnink, it vaz a liddl bit frihtnink...

That idea was tossed out when someone asked me if I went to their church, I blanked and stared at them with my mouth open. Finally I mumbled that I doubt she had seen me in her church, this caused her to ask which church I went to. I think I mumbled under my breath until she lost interest. How do you politely tell a hardcore religious person that they have never seen you at their church because you haven’t set foot in a church willingly since you were ten!?
If you’re me you just look awkward until they take pity on you and change subjects.

Anyway along came a gargantuan amount of food, and then the huge amount of beer, and then the schnapps until I could barely walk, at which point the hosts mom decided to tell me how I should have a ton of babies…. As soon as possible.

Seriously, every conversation I had that day, became awkward within about 2 minutes. I don’t even know how. Oh wait yeah I do, everyone there knew exactly how I should be leading my life, and apparently I’m leading it totally wrong.

" To be honest if you haven't had enough children to pull a sled by the time you're 7 you're.. oh wait you aren't a husky!"

Now you may say “they care about you” and “they want the best for you”, these people met me that day. They didn’t know me from Adam, and I’m pretty sure they would have told him a thing or two as well. What really got my goat was how each one lectured me and told me how to live my life and every time it was directions on how to be like them. I understand narcissism, I understand self-help, I do not understand how you can know everything in your own life and then insist that someone else is exactly the same and should mimic you down to how you chew potato salad.

Chew it like this!!!!!

I also got very pissed off when one happy housewife, who had been happily lecturing me about how I should drop my whole life and have kids got insulted by me saying if I did that it would be a waste of an education. I get it, she is happy being 100lbs overweight, with no intellectual stimulation, a useless high-school diploma, and 3 ungrateful brats, but I haven’t given up on myself yet.

Although this is part of my life plan

I can still do stuff. I cannot handle a dog right now, who is she to tell me I should become a single parent to some poor bastard kid???

Conclusion: Germans good food, good beer, BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD advice.

I no longer trust this woman's opinion on the Eurozone...


About nemhulye

Born circa 1980 something.

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