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On douches

Lemme see, what interesting things do I have to talk about today… hmm well I’m trying a new shampoo, and uh, I have an appointment with the ophthalmologist next Monday. Er… yeah, so I’m doing nothing, and I have nothing to say. My brain is running on auto due to transcribing the entire 6hrs of a conference. It wouldn’t have been too bad except for a couple of things. Firstly, the speakers were all heavily accented and kept interrupting each other, and secondly the person making the recording was a million miles away from the speaker in a swimming pool telling jokes about the French.

Ahmed, say what?? I can't hear you, the FBI clicking noise is too loud....

Funniest part for the office was watching me plug my earphones into the tower for audio and realize that I couldn’t quite reach the keyboard if my earphones were in. The next 20minutes were spent working out the ergonomical (see only) way to type, see my screen and have audio all at the same time. It started as a yoga exercise and ended with me balancing the tower on a low rolling gurney so that I could do my task.

How I looked tying up the conference recordings...

Another thing happened yesterday that made me realize that although a mild-mannered little oaf, I’m a lot more tolerable than most. I realize some of my posts I swear and yell-type to high heaven but I’m not that bad, really. I’ll tell you why. I went to a meeting with a Chamber of Commerce that will remain unnamed. Three people greeted us and we gave a presentation about what we do, they nodded along and gave encouraging noises, asked good questions and generally were pretty nice. About half way through the meeting in pops their director, who by the way was supposed to head the meeting. He buffalos in and demands that we re-start the entire meeting. Now bear in mind, they were clear that they had an hour and a half slot for us. Now half an hour in to our 40 minute presentation we have to restart. I turned to my colleague who looked like someone had just told her they had repealed sliced bread and we would all have to eat PB&J on potatoes from now on. So I took up the slack and gave a cliff notes version of the presentation so far. Only I got about a minute in and he got up and left.

That’s right, after demanding a re-start he buzzed off. So I continued the previous presentation to the other three, just as I was concluding the guy returns with coffee and a Danish, sits back down and tells me to continue. So again, I stopped what I was presenting and started the cliff notes version again. At this point he whipped out his iphone and spent the rest of the presentation playing on it, I’m guessing Angry Birds but it could have been the bubble bursting one because that is fun too. Now at this point a vein on my neck is starting to try to escape my body for the sole purpose of strangling this guy. Eventually they give us a briefing on their plans for the next year, and tells us they want to work with us. As we are leaving the douchebag with the phone, looks me up and down and says “charmed, next time you and I should have a private meeting”. Remember this guy has been doing screw-all during the entire meeting, and then in front of his subordinates and my colleague decides to flirt in the most obscene manner.


So I did what I usually do in these situations, I simultaneously turned purple, laughed it off, and swore to destroy that douche in fire, thunder, ice and other Icelandic natural resources.

Too snowy for ya? Here have some bruning steam!!!!! MUahahahaha

The nerve of some people…. Also my hatred of corporations and businesspeople only grows daily, maybe I should just resign myself to a life of corporate assholery.


About nemhulye

Born circa 1980 something.

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