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I am all for recycling but this is too much!

I woke up early this morning, my body clock has difficulty reconciling the differences between weekday wakeup and weekends. So I did what any sane person would do on a cold November morning, I watched tv in my duvet with a warm cup of joe in hand, watching my tivo. I eventually showered, and set out to fulfill my errands which included restocking my empty fridge, returning stuff that didn’t work to a store and arguing with the electronics fixing guy because he said he couldn’t fix my electronic stuff. Really, what is the point of opening a store to fix things when you are incapable of fixing them??? That’s like opening a bakery but not selling any baked goods.

" It's broken, I cannot fix broken things"-Then why does your sign say you fix electronics???-__-

Having run my errands for the day, I went to the book store I like and browsed for a while. I bought the New Yorker and Time and went off to have tea in a nice little café. I read a couple of articles about movies that would be coming out in the next few months and noticed a disturbing trend.

They are all REPOSTS!!!! There are so few ‘new’ films coming out, they are pretty much all re-releases. I mean what the eff? WHY?

EFF this SHIZZLE, and anything remotely like it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I realise everybody seems to have gone looney-tunes for the re-release of the Lion King, I saw it on the big screen when it first came out. It was pretty cool. However I am aware that the coming year also holds a re-release of The Beauty and The Beast. Seriously??? Is it me or is Disney dropping the ball here? Why aren’t they coming up with new stuff? Surely there is enough talent out there to do something new? What about Lilo and Stitch? That was pretty okay, even Princess and the Frog was tolerable. Or they could innovate like Pixar (although the advent of the 4th or 5th Cars movie is a depressing prospect).

It gets worse though, Disney Studios aren’t the only culprit. I already stated somewhere that Gary Oldman is soon to appear in a film version of “Tinker, Taylor, Soldier, Spy” ( a role filled on by Alec Guinness in the BBC series), I have my misgivings about this. Is one 2hr movie long enough for the slow-burning style of early LeCarré? Can the Cold-War angst be appropriately grasped by a post-9/111 director, cast and audience? Problem is it’s one of the Movie highlight of the coming months.

I am praying that, given the cast, this doesn't run into a shoot-em-up, bullet-time fiasco.... and that M. Night Shyamalan doesn't touch this, or even breathe on it...

Books are the good movies coming up, I’ll elucidate; the Hunger Games, the second part of Ayn Rand’s long and misinterpreted Atlas Shrugged, World War Z, the Life of PI, the Great Gatsby and The Hobbit are all getting the book to movie treatment. I’m hoping for the best, but being a cynic I am preparing myself for utter cr*p just in case.

My issue is, aside from some creative editing by the screenwriters, these are all pre-existing ideas. Let’s add to these by acknowledging that two plays are making their Hollywood début (technically reposts) Corialanus and The Woman in Black. Both excellent on stage, but will thy work the same magic in the movies?

SO what ideas is Hollywood going at on its own? Well the franchises are doing well, but seeing as the only franchises I care about are the Marvel or DC kind all I have to look forward to are The Dark Night, and The Avengers. Don’t let that make you belive that there aren’t many franchises making bucks in the coming year. It’ in fact the freaking opposite.

Paranormal Activity 4, Friday the 13th ( 28th installment? Something like that), Ghost rider 2, Scary Movie 5 , MIB3, STep Up 4, ICE AGE 4, Underworld 4, Madagascar 3, Bourne 4, Expendables 2, Another effing Twilight movie, and Taken 2  movies are leading the franchise brigade in yet more boring box-office filler. I mean really are there no original ideas left? Why are we scraping the barrel? Are we that desperate?

Stallone has got to stop with the Plastic surgery, he's looking really odd these days!

In other news, we are that desperate. The proverbial barrel is actually being gutted and turned inside out for ideas we can look forward to another reboot of the wizard of Oz 5 wasn’t HBOs TinMan bad enough?). A film version of goddamn 21 Jump Street, I mean really?? A big screen ‘adaptation’ of the Three stooges. Total Recall re-done in English, apparently kids these days don’t understand Arny’s accent.

In fact the only non-sequels that aren’t already available in other media formats are the two prequels that I am cautiously hopeful of ( to avoid ending the sentence with a preposition I am adding this). Those are the long awaited Thing, and Prometheus ( a prequel to the Aliens franchise).

I’m thinking instead of wasting my money I’ll just write my own screenplay, anyone want to help?


About nemhulye

Born circa 1980 something.

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