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My sweet frenemy, how I love to loathe thee

Does anyone else have frenemies?

I can’t think that I’m the only one, I mean I didn’t invent the word so it stands to reason that someone else has experienced these people too. Allow me to expound on the frenemy concept. Frenemy is a combination of the words ‘friend’ and ‘enemy’. As oxymoronic as this sounds I have had a couple and now have one who I can’t seem to get rid of. It’s not even that they are particularly aggressive or malignant, they just suck the will of being their friend out of my eye sockets every time I meet with them.

Once yo share an amazing high-five you can't ever really accept the ones where people miss.

Since I moved back to the city I was born in about a year ago, I have been friendless. All the people I knew as a kid have left, most were on temporary postings anyway. The ones who are left are mostly still in college out-of-town. I live with a sibling (who I last lived with when I was 5), and we get on each others nerves a whole bunch. Basically my leaving college meant that I lost what I considered to be my home, I also lost my friends, and my focus. Not to sound like too much of a downer.Which I am, as you may have noticed by my constant complaints about even the most trivial of things in my life. I’m a whiner and well aware of this!

Things are now slightly better. I have a job, which I didn’t have before, well at least not one which paid the rent. And I have a couple of people I can call to go to a movie or something, even though they aren’t around that much, and our friendship is more friendliness than friendship. In fact I think the only movies we went to see were X-Men:First Class, Thor, Captain America….. I see a distinct pattern here. No one wants to be the geek who goes to the comic book movie alone… s’just not good for the super-ego, or the Id, who by the way are not characters, nor do they have capes.


Having said this, there are a couple of people in town I went to  college with. These two called M____ & B_____ are what I define as passive frenemies. They are irksome, and tedious, one I have no relations with (just the right amount) the other I see once a month (which often feels like way more than necessary).

M is a typical class A personality. She’s rigid, uptight, but maintains vehemently that the is easy-going and if you don’t believe her she has a 32 point bulletin to prove otherwise. She’s smart, pretty and the one time we met up she gushed over all the things we should do and how we will meet. Which was a pile of gargantuan bullhicky. I have seen M exactly once in the year and a half I have been here. I saw her when our friend F was visiting me. I’m not actually sorry for this loss, M is interesting to talk to , but the level of nervousness around her is creepily high. M feels like she’s about to spring either into action or into a nervous breakdown. It sets me ill-at-ease from the second I get near her.

My next frenemy I see far more often, and is somewhat more laid back, in that she goes with the flow more often, but bitches as soon as things do not go exactly as they wanted. B is a partyer, and I hate partying with B. The last time I did party with B, B abandoned me in the middle of a sketchy neighbourhood at 4a.m. with no cash for a cab and no idea how to walk out of there. It was a douche move. B also only listens to music I hate. B likes bitching about problems, but no one else’s. B doesn’t like doing anything I like. B refuses to go to the movies. B refuses to go grab a bite. B will not go near an art gallery/street fair/acoustic concert/book store/coffee-house/ pizza joint/park/ pool/ bar. B is a hardcore hipster, who looks like the method for getting dressed was to get covered in glue, jump into the bargain bin at Macy’s and wear whatever stuck. The problem is B is in the same friendship position as me, and has decided that we are buddies. B invites me out nearly every night of the week. Which I can’t handle on my 9-6 work shift. B also drinks like a f*cking trooper. I can’t keep up, I don’t want to keep up, but I keep getting called up.

B dresses with the same amount of coordination as this, but frequently less gender specific, also the colours nearly match here, B would never allow that to happen, but you've probably never heard B say that.

Despite being invited out at least twice a week by B, I usually only go out once or twice a month. This gives me time to re-spawn, and load my wallet with cash, again. Basically I know I’m the jackwang in this friendship, I blow B off all the time to basically walk around on my own, or come up with some lame excuse  “oh a party? well I would but my neighbour needs me to de-louse her hairless cat”. I’m B’s frenemy, B is just where I was about 5 years ago, she wants to score some drugs, party til dawn, and then go throw up. I don’t mind any of that- if it were with people I could trust not to 1) leave me in a neighbourhood where 45% of the cars burnt-out, 2) make me buy all the drinks because I have a steady job and 3) someone who tells me to meet them at 7.30 and shows up at 9. Sh*t like that is not okay. M is just excessively cold. I’m trying to somehow fix the two of them up so I can occasionally see M and less occasionally see B.

Yo, you wanna meet up, have a seizure whilst listening to the noise of a 'wampwampwampwampwampwampwampwampwamp until your ears bleed?"

Question, does this make me a douche, or should I just cut them both out of my life and be done with?


About nemhulye

Born circa 1980 something.

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